What I Hate About Fanboys Part 2

It seems there was a holiday last week and I didn’t write part 2 of my little exposition on what I hate about fanboys. I decided that overeating and consequently taking a nasty shit at my fiancee’s parents’ was more important than standing on my soapbox. I kid, I didn’t take a nasty dump until I got home. If you missed part 1 and want to read it in order to understand this week’s tirade feel free to hop over to it before you continue.

The talk. The biggest response I got, or paid attention to, from my previous editorial was something that reinforced what was already slated to appear in this week’s post, the talk. To summarize the comments I’m referring to, they went like this, “the reason you hate fanboys is because you aren’t one.” They weren’t written in those exact words, more along the lines of “your problem is you didn’t choose console x or game y.” Had I not already heard it before, it might have been a major realization. I may have realized that it has absolutely no fucking pertinence to what I hate about the type of people who say it. I’m not going to brush that level of ignorance off. Oh yes, it gets used in my spiel of hatred.

When I insult games, movies, or music others love I expect some degree of backlash. If it’s proposed in an intelligent manner, I completely respect it. I might even use it against someone else on one of the many occasions I play devil’s advocate and argue just to argue. When a counter point is proposed in such an anserine manner, I become dumbfounded. Thankfully I’ve had two weeks to mull it over. Two weeks to collect my thoughts after having no legitimate response other than “you my friend are a retard.”

I’m going to spell this out. When you want to debate somebody, you can’t prove them wrong because you simply say they aren’t right. There has to be solid evidence before you can say they are completely wrong. On top of that, if your counter argument proves theirs, you have failed, pack your shit up and leave. I’m going to stop my reciprocation at that. This form of talk hearkens back to my rather lengthy section about projection. Another fanboy vernacular is to take your words and use them on you. Not against you, but rather use the same terminology just to be a smug shit.

I write a “What I Hate About…” article every week. The purpose is not only to offend and entertain in a short sighted and immoderate manner but also get people to think. Whether they agree or disagree, I don’t really care. If the fanboys I so frequently offend can say nothing more than “What I hate about this article is that I hate you,” I haven’t made them think. How many fucking times do you think I’ve heard “What ‘I’ hate about this is…” followed by some nonsensical dribble? Way too many. I’ll now leave this with the simple and affective “I shithole stuffed your mom and sister last night” to any fanboy who has resorted to this method.

I’ve been overly verbose concerning the responses I’ve gotten from fanboys in my previous posts. Let me add some meat and potatoes to this editorial. If you can argue semantics over which is better, Star Trek or Star Wars, that’s part of “the talk.” If you fervently defend an overweight italian plumber who sounds like a stroke victim with, “well you apparently didn’t play a certain one of his games,” you are using typical fanboy speak. If you’ve recenlty used the phrase “I just pwned a n00b,” you aren’t a fanboy, you’re just a moron two years behind pop culture.

I didn’t get to the lifestyle of the garden variety fanboy but I promise I will next time. If you have any comments feel free to put them at the bottom of the page, but for the love of God take a second and think if you’re not going to suck my dick… I mean write something nice.

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